


Drinks are on Me

by Airplanes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Implied Relationships, Multi, Non-Canonical Character Death, POV Second Person, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:02:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7455517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airplanes/pseuds/Airplanes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which an apology was all you needed.</p>
<p>[Gender Neutral Reader]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drinks are on Me

[Listen to this, If you want.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65jAVCRO_I0&ab_channel=tfiossoundtrack)

 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, uselessly. He knew the answer. He'd lost his arm, not his eyes.

"Well, nothing in particular." You answered, speech a little slurred. "I just..." You paused to take another sip from the bottle, the bitter liquid burning as it went down. It was warm. You wanted to be warm. "I don't know anymore, sir."

"This isn't healthy." His voice was stern, a frown twisting his otherwise perfect face. You smiled at that.

"None of what we're doing is healthy, when you really think about it. I mean-" You made a wide gesture with your arms spread out, "Just look. The humans we're trying so fucking hard to save are killing us." And then, a sarcastic bark of laughter punctuated your next statement, "Maybe we should just let the fuckers get eaten. I know I sure as _shit_ don't care anymore." There was a long silence in which you two stared each other down.

Eventually, he sighed. When he spoke again, his voice was tender. _Cautious_. "Listen, [First], I-I know it's-" He paused "I know that he was-"

" _Don't._ " Your airy tone was gone, replaced by defeatism, and you forced the bottle to your lips again, downing the rest of the caramel liquid inside. "I'd rather not, Commander. Not... today. Not in this lifetime."

"If you don't want to talk about it, then you need to find a healthier means of coping with your grie-"

"With all due respect, _Commander,_ " You hissed, "I don't think it's _your_ place to tell me how to cope." Guilt painted his face, and his thick eyebrows drew in together. He slowly sat in the stool next to you. "You need a drink, too, huh?" And like that, your voice was light again.

Erwin shook his head, and opened his mouth to speak again, before closing it and frowning deeply. "I know you must hate me." And then, he laughs a little, "I'd understand it if you did, more than I would if you didn't."

"I'm trying my hardest not to, actually." You admitted, reaching up and over the bar to grab another bottle. The one nearest to you was... scotch. _Not my favorite, but it'll do_. "Surprisingly. I know he liked you." You took a swig. _It'll definitely do_.

"And I'm thankful for that. But..." He seemed to struggle to get the right words out, "I promised him that I would... take care of you in his absence."

"I don't _need_ you to take care of me. I don't want _you_ to take care of me." Your tone was bitter and hostile, but your smile was polite. "Sir." Despite the character you were playing, you felt hot tears gather in your eyes.

"I realize that. But I'll be _damned_ before I let myself break another promise. Not to him." His stare was intense, his dark blue eyes staring too deeply, and too seriously for your liking. You felt your facade crumble more and more with each word he spoke. "Not to you."

"It was your fault." Your voice cracked at the end and you covered it up by taking a swig of your new bottle. "It was _all_ your fault, Commander." It was just a whisper, and you regretted the words as soon as they fell from your lips. He didn't deserve that.

He blinked a couple times, rolling his thick, pink lips into his mouth, "I know." His voice was hoarse and he looked tired. " _God_ , do I know, [First]." His eyes looked skyward. He sat his arm on the bar in front of him. "Levi was a _good_ man. He deserved better. I failed the both of you." He sounded genuinely repentant. You didn't want to accept his apology. Not yet.

You didn't want to hear _his_ name come from his lips. Tears started to blur your vision, and your throat got tighter with every heaved in breath.

"Then why did-" You let out a choked sob, squeezing your eyes shut and taking another sip of your beverage to try and numb yourself, "Why did you let him..." You angrily wiped your eyes with the sleeve of your jacket. Levi's jacket. "Why the _fuck_ didn't you just-"

"I'm sorry." When you looked back up at your Commander, you found that he wasn't speaking to you. Instead, as silent, rebellious tears streamed down his face, he was still looking at the ceiling. " _I'm sorry_." His brows were drawn in close together, but other than that his face was stock still. Impassive.

"I... know." You managed to mutter through your grief, " _He_ knows, I'm sure." Your voice was defeated.

There was a long pause. Eventually, you felt him wrap his arm around your shoulder. At the gesture, your tears flooded over, heaving sob after painful sob into your commander's shoulder and he kept you from falling out of your chair.

_Why did it have to be him? Who else was next, if Humanity's Strongest fell victim to humanity?_ You wanted him back. Maria, Rose _and_ Sina, you wanted him back. You'd do anything to get him back, just for another minute. If you could hear his voice again, hear him say those three short words that set your cheeks aflame and heart aflutter. If you could wake up and see him genuinely _smile_ in that way that he'd only show you. If you could see him wrinkle his nose in disgust at the way one of the new recruits cleaned something, if you could just hear him _yell_ at you to be more careful, if only...

"I don't know what to do without him, Erwin." You whispered honestly. _Desperately_ , "I don't think I can-"

"Shh, [First]. We'll figure it out. One way or another." This time, your throat burned without the assistance of alcohol. "I'll do everything in my power to keep this promise, I swear to you. Okay?" You nodded into his shoulder, letting the tears soak through his immaculately white uniform shirt without guilt. _It was the least he deserved_.

When you looked back up at him, you saw tear streaks on his face and determination in his eyes. Despite the fear of moving on without the one man who seemed impervious to this life's hardships, you felt as if you could trust the one man that Levi laid his life on the line for. Still, there was an eternity between his question and your answer.

"Okay." And then, for the first time in the three months that you had been missing your soulmate, you felt a smile come to your face. "Okay, Commander."

And you two sat there, grieving the lost of your shared, beloved friend. After who-knows how long, Erwin broke the silence.

"I think..." His grin is wry, "I think I _do_ need a drink, if I'm honest."

_Welcome to the club._ "They're on me."


End file.
